Mad
by Imanza
Summary: Love uplifts and nourishes, but sometimes it also tries.


Eren is bent over on the other side of the bed, head in his hands, quiet at last.

Levi looks at the tense slump of his back, the harsh rise and fall of his shoulders, and he doesn't know what to do. Even when he was on the other side of the world on business trips, Eren didn't feel so far away as he did now.

Levi can do nothing but stand there, fist burning from having smacked it against the wall, throat hoarse from a screaming match he can no longer remember the origin of. He doesn't dare move a finger, because he and Eren are connected, now and always, and if he moves Eren might move and might get up and walk out the door, and it'll be over. It'll be over if Eren walks away, and it's that thought that thaws the ice in his blood and drains all the fight out of him.

"Eren, I'm sorry."

"Eren please, please, I was angry, I was hurt, please. Look at me. Talk to me, Eren."

Levi waits and watches, heartbeat rising out of his chest again like it had minutes earlier, but now he feels out of control in a totally different way, in a sick, pathetic, despairing way. Eren had wounded him, had known exactly what to say to make it smart in the worst way, and in an effort to defend himself and his pride he had grabbed whatever barb he could reach and flung it back at him twice as hard.

Levi knew Eren inside and out. His feel, his taste, his scent, could look him in the eye and reach into the heart of him in the same instance, and Eren the same with him, and they had used their most intimate knowledge of each other to try and break each other apart, and it had almost worked and Levi was _terrified_.

"Do you remember the day we met, Eren? I do. It was at that stupid frat party Erwin forced me into, and you were the loud one in the tight pants and god, you were a douche."

Eren stays where he is, back turned to Levi, a world away on the other side of their queen-sized bed.

"Our first date which wasn't really a date, because we were watching a movie with everyone else until we got to the park, and then somehow it was just you and I and your fingers kept brushing up against mine until I got sick of your coy bullshit and reached over and held you properly."

Levi takes a step forward, and another, and another. Eren doesn't move, just sits there all crumpled and small, and Levi despises himself to the very core for being the reason he's like this. He opens his mouth again, tries to keep going but he's out of breath and his eyes are starting to sting.

"When you took me to meet your family for the first time, and it was basically just you and your mother who did all the talking because your father and Mikasa kept giving me these _looks_ and I was so fucking nervous I could barely hold the cutlery properly."

He's in front of Eren now, looking down at him still curled in on himself. He hasn't said anything this whole time, but Levi can see how much he's trembling, can hear the wet rustle of his breath against the fabric of his sweater. And so, for the first time in a long time, Levi gets down on his knees, lays his heart at Eren's feet, and hopes for the best.

"Eren, do you remember our honeymoon? How we wasted the first couple days just holed up in the suite? How we were almost too tired to even just reach over and phone for room service," Levi laughs, brushes away the tears streaming hot down his face.

"How we had our first fight as a married couple because you wouldn't leave the souvenir shop until you'd gotten everyone we knew a present."

"When we hiked all the way up the tallest cliff we could reach, right on the water, and the moon was out and it was freezing but you were so beautiful Eren, so warm against me. I was so happy, Eren. I _am_ so happy, right now, still, with you, even after everything— heck, probably _because_ of everything that's happened. Please don't give up on us. Please keep fighting. I fucked up bad, and it won't happen again, on my life it won't happen again. Please, Eren."

The tears don't stop, his vision is blurry and his throat has closed up too tight for him to say anything else, but he's got both hands braced against Eren's arms now, and all he cares about is that Eren lifts his head up and lets him in, one last time.

The minutes tick by and nothing happens. Eren's breathing has slowed and his sniffling has stopped, but he won't look. He just won't look.

Levi's hands drop to his sides. He feels wrong, like his bones are too heavy for his body to hold, but he manages to get one foot up under him and tries to hoist himself up.

He's halfway turned when Eren's arm shoots out and rests on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry too."

Levi turns and sinks back down, and there is Eren, face red and wet like his, eyes still glassy from the tears, and he reaches out and holds him and Eren doesn't shake him away.

"I'm sorry too, Levi," he says between Levi's fingers.

"I was out of line, I was so angry, and I hurt you. I was cruel. I shouldn't have said…any of it. I fucked up."

Levi falls forward, rests his forehead against Eren's, and breathes him in. Deep inside him it feels like something clicks back into place.

"It's alright, love, of course it's alright. Are we okay?" He whispers against Eren's lips, so close they're almost touching, the same way they were on nights before this one when they had fallen into bed together, too many to count.

"Yeah. Yeah, we're okay," Eren whispers back, kissing the words onto his skin, warm and sure against his lips.


End file.
